i wish there were pregnant emoticons
please come you make the beer taste better
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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