i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
