Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
