Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
