I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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