ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
