I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
