she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
