My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Drake has all the answers
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
