so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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