I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
