I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
