I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
