if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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