You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
