How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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