Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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