Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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