We're facebook friends in real life
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
