its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
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Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
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Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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