It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
