There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
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Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
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I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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