Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
