I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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