Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
