You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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