My friends, they love my intelligence
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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