last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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