yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
