Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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