i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
