i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
