Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
