turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Pooping to opera.
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