I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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