Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
