Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
