I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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