We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
