Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
