Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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