Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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