he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize