fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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