I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
