God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am naked and annoyed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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