suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
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I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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