I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
