the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
