sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
