Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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