Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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