im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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