Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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