she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
