There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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