I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
