Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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