Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
