dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
