I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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